A dor de amar mais do que ser amada

18 março 2018

Poucas coisas na vida doem mais do que amar e não ser correspondida. E não digo só numa relação amorosa, mas em qualquer relação. Ser a pessoa que ama mais dói imensamente. Saber que ninguém vai te amar da mesma forma que você as ama é extremamente difícil.
Eu sou uma pessoa que sente muito e sou intensa e isso acaba gerando grandes dores para mim. Eu não culpo as pessoas. O fato de eu amar demais é um problema que só compete a mim. Não é culpa delas o que eu sinto. Mas, isso me entristece profundamente. Me dói saber que eu nunca vou sentir o mesmo amor que eu dou para as pessoas. E isso é frustrante. Dói. Dói demais. Às vezes penso que não vou aguentar. Imagina sua vida toda você viver num looping eterno de amar e não ser correspondida? É assim que me sinto. Não correspondida. E nem nunca vou ser. E eu me sinto até culpada por isso. “Quem manda amar demais?” eu penso. Mas talvez não seja culpa de ninguém. Eu apenas nasci assim e infelizmente isso não vai mudar. Ah, mas que dói e parece que você vai se sufocar de tantos sentimentos isso dói. Parece que seu coração vai pular pela boca. E às vezes você deseja que ele realmente pulasse para que você tivesse paz.

“Amar demais sempre mata você. Te despedaça e bagunça sua mente. Te deixa acordado às três da manhã desejando que você não tivesse sentimento algum.”

Paz. É algo que eu nunca tenho. Paz é tranquilidade e ser intenso não é tranquilo para ninguém. Eu não sou muito de rezar, mas as vezes eu peço “Deus me tire esse peso ou pelo menos me dê forças para aguentar isso.”
O pior de tudo é que ninguém entende. “Mas por que você está mal?” e é extremamente difícil explicar que você está mal porque você simplesmente ama demais. E por amar demais eu sofro muito mais que qualquer pessoa “normal”. Quando alguém vai embora da minha vida parece que ela arrancou um pedaço de mim junto. Às vezes da vontade de ir embora desse mundo também pois a dor é tanta que parece que não vou suportar. Mas eu aguento.

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